4. November 7, 2022 Walking through Fires

 

#4 

Winter 2021 came as I was healing from the double mastectomy and lymph node removal.  The surgical scars began to heal and my days and nights were not filled with pain and soreness.  I was able to drive again and return to somewhat normal activities.   I was determined to get passed this and heal from metastatic inflammatory breast cancer, triple negative! I was SICK of that term.   The one major concern was even after all the chemotherapy I'd had before the surgery, cancer was found in 6 of the 16 lymph nodes that were removed.   ...that means the chemo didn't kill the cancer!  

Isaiah 43: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.  I have called you by name. You are mine! When you go through deep waters and great trouble, you will not drown, When you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned up, the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your SAVIOR!"

Next, in the treatment plan was radiation - Oh I thought this would be a breeze compared to the debilitating effects of the chemo cocktail I had been given for 4 months.   I was determined to charge on and 'get through' the 38 radiation treatments prescribed by the radiation oncologist.  I began to make the 76 mile round trip drive to and from DAILY treatments.  The car became my prayer closet, my private worship center.  I sang at the top of my lungs praising God for the renewed strength and purpose I began to enjoy as the remnants of chemo left my body.  Even my hair was beginning to grow back - little silver curls!   I met other 'cancer patients' in those waiting rooms, and was able to share with them how Jesus was carrying me, giving me peace and strength.  I found many who shared my faith and we prayed one for another.  I  began to see these as divine appointments to minister hope and prayer.....from one who needed hope and prayer.   He showed up every time! And even the radiation techs who administered the treatments were praying with me and sharing in our discussions about Jesus.     

 But then.... The cancer began spreading to the right side!! It was obvious to the eye - inflammatory breast cancer is often seen on the skin, as a rash, bumpy, turning purple and growing rapidly!   I was nearing the end of the 38 treatments on the left chest, underarm, and neck.  The burns were coming through my back - and a pain I had not endured before became constant.  Creams, salt baths, and medication did very little to ease the pain,  And now, here was the cancer on the right side!!  The surgeon was called for another biopsy - and it came back the same as the first.  And, the rate of spread was now 70% in a range of 1-10% , 10 being aggressive.   More chemo was ordered - but first I had to finish the last 7 radiation treatments with a boost.  Burnt was a mild term to describe what I experienced, and then another 7 very focused radiation treatments on the new evidence of cancer on what was left of the right side of my chest. 

During this time, I'd lay awake for hours, the enemy having a hay-day with my thoughts and emotions.  I tried to pray, all I could do was turn on my Bible app on my phone and listen as a voice read aloud to me the WORD of God.  Nothing else brought peace.  No sleeping pills, no pain medication, no cool rags that left my sheets damp and uncomfortable - the only comfort was the WORD, the Presence of Christ in His WORD.  

Isaiah 30: 18: "But the LORD still waits for you to come to Him so He can show you His love and compassion.  For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for Him to help them. He will be gracious if you ask for help.  He will respond instantly to the sound of your cries.  Though the LORD gave you adversity for food and affliction for drink, He will still be with you to teach you.  You will see your teacher with your own eyes, and you will hear a voice say "This is the way; turn around - walk here!" 

Self reflection, examination was needed and painful during those times.  I prayed God would remove from me every thing that was not of Him from my life, from my responses, my thoughts.  It was a hard purging of deep secret sin... things I thought 'oh that's not so bad, just human nature'...  well there was truth in that.  Human nature, satisfying my flesh with too much of anything... but not enough of Jesus.  He had sent the Holy Spirit as my Comforter!  It was time to put it ALL aside and allow the Holy Spirit to guide my conversations, my responses, my reactions, and fill my needs.   It's a process.  He is perfecting me... but OH HE IS NOT DONE!    But I am surrendered to His hand!  

"Lord, help me, show me, cleanse me from anything that displeases you, that harms me or my testimony! In Jesus Name"  

Will you pray that prayer with me today?  He is a faithful and loving Father - He disciplines His children and has compassion over them, dusting them off and standing them back up, pointing them to the Way.  He is NOT there to pick you off, kick you out, shake his head and reject you.   He LOVES you!!  Trust Him! Surrender to Him - He knows what you need and has promised to provide it!