3 November 3, 2022 Suffering and loss

Suffering and loss takes many forms in this life.  Yet, God is able to carry us through! 

At the end of the first 16 rounds of chemotherapy - I was as bald as a baby's behind. I was swollen with the steroids and medications to counteract the side effects of the poison that was to kill the cancer.  Metastatic IBC - Triple Negative Stage 3 is a hard thing to kill - and if the chemo was doing its job, it was also wreaking havoc on my healthy cells.  

"But I called on your Name LORD, from deep within the well, and you heard me!  You listened to my pleading; you heard my weeping! Yes, you came at my despairing cry and told me DO NOT FEAR." Lamentations 3:55

Now, it was time to recover from the chemo and prepare for a radical bilateral mastectomy and partial lymph node removal.   In my spirit, I was FINE with the upcoming surgery!  "Rid my body of this cancer!" I prayed, even taking from me the parts of my body that indicate my femininity in so many ways.

I prepared mentally and emotionally to have my breasts removed, with no hope of reconstruction due to the 'skin involvement' indicated by *IBC.  I was told radiation treatments would follow that would prohibit my skin from stretching to accommodate reconstruction.  Ok, I thought, at least the cancer would be gone - the scars would not be evident to most people.   That surgery was performed September of 2021.

"The thought of my suffering is bitter beyond words, I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve my loss.  Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the LORD never ends!  By His mercies I have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness, His mercies begin afresh each morning. I will say to myself : The LORD is my inheritance, therefore, I will hope in HIM!" Lamentations 3:19-24

Please do not assume that I remained in a 'good mood' daily as I traveled this way.  I cried, I was in pain, I was embarrassed for my daughter/nurse and my husband to see the scars and my empty vacant chest. I spent too much money trying to order under things that would disguise the brutality of this cancer...few I could stand for an hour or more.  I struggled, I was over-confident that I would 'be fine' with this loss.  But I did NOT underestimate the love of my husband who exclaimed "It looks a lot better than cancer!", or my children and even grandchildren who wanted me to just be comfortable.  One 10 year old commented "You're still Grandma, just without boobs!"  I laughed out loud, they just have no filter at that age.  But their love was a reminder of the Greatest love I've ever known - that of my LORD Who's love is unconditional and everlasting.    Oh I learned so much from them all.

Suffering and loss is a part of life in this fallen world.  But look up!  For the follower of Christ, there will come a day when all suffering will end! "Look, the home of God is among His people.  He will live with them and they will be his people.  God Himself will be with them.  He will remove all of their sorrows and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain! Revelation 21 3-4 

Are you preparing for THAT day?  In John 14:6 Jesus said "I am the Way, The Truth and the Life! No one comes to the Father but by Me.  Acts 4:12 declares "Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”  

How are you suffering? What loss have you endured?  Put your faith in Jesus, draw near to Him through His Word - He will carry you through!  

 

*IBC-inflammatory breast cancer